I stepped onto my bathroom scale Sunday. It is something I do every week, although I can usually tell just by the way my clothes fit whether I’ve lost weight. I knew before I stepped on that I hadn’t lost weight, and that I probably had gained weight. The scale confirmed my suspicions.

Since the new year, I had lost 16 pounds. I had actually lost 14 of those pounds pretty quickly, and then nothing for a long time. And now, since the new year, I’ve only lost 8 pounds. Which means, I’ve gained back 8 pounds.

I hate this weight thing. I hate weighing in, but I always hope that the numbers will shock me into something. I think the numbers did that this week. I haven’t been exercising, and I hadn’t made any progress on losing weight, so I think it confirmed that I need to renew my vow to exercise regularly.

It is also depressing, weighing in, because my weight can fluctuate so much in just the space of a day. And then I try to record my weight loss progress, and it is as if there is no progress, which, of course, lately there hasn’t been any progress.

When I went to stand on the scale Sunday, my husband was in the room. I tried blocking the results with my toes, but he was pretty determined to see my weight. And it sort of ticked me off. I was already upset with my weight, and then he made a comment that was supposed to be encouraging, but I did not need to hear it right then, and I responded in a very snotty manner.

I keep thinking the first step in weight loss is admitting I have a problem, but I have been admitting I have a problem for almost two years. I think it is time I take the second step, and I keep taking that second step. I can’t quit quitting. Or rather, I did quit, and now I need to restart again. Exercise. Right. I need to do that. Really. Because I am tired of not losing weight. And, yet, if there were a quick fix solution, I’d jump at it. Right not, I think I’m 80 pounds overweight, although I’d be happy to lose 60. Heck, at this point, I’d be happy to lose 10 or 20. I’d be happy to lose.

Today, I stepped on the scale again, thinking maybe yesterday (Sunday) was a fluke. I was up another pound. Gah.