On Monday, I leave for a four-week writing workshop. I’ll be home on the weekends, but I’ll still be gone four to five days a week, and I will live in a dorm.
Today I have to pack, and I am worried about what I will wear. I want to be comfortable, and I’m not sure what the temperatures will be, but I suspect it will be hot. And possibly rainy.
And it’s not like I have a lot of options to select from. I would say that I no longer fit into a majority of the clothing in my closet. And yet I don’t want to buy more clothing because I want to lose this weight.
But I did go shopping the other day, and it just made me feel bigger and fatter. I left the store feeling very down and depressed about my size.
It has been months since I lost any additional weight. I tend to fluctuate between the same five pounds. The thing is I can tell when I am at the highest rather than the lowest. With just those five pounds, my body feels differently. Yet why haven’t I lost any more weight?
I’ve done some exercising but not as much as I should be doing.
It’s always been so easy to hide my excess weight before. People would be surprised to hear how much I really weigh. But now they aren’t surprised. I look fat too.
I know what it takes to lose weight — exercise more and eat less, but I have a hard time doing that. My biggest problem is that I don’t know how to figure out calories and portions for food I make at home. I wonder how much I really am consuming, and I have no way to figure it out. How many calories is there in two pieces of toast with butter and peanut butter spread thinly across the toast’s surface? Why peanut butter and butter?
This week I have been thinking more about exercise short cuts than real loss. I investigated the new diet pill — Alli. It sells for $44 for 60 capsules at my local store. The bottle contains 60 tablets, and the instructions say take one pill with every meal. It warns against taking more than 3 a day. That means the bottle contains less than a 30 day supply. Plus there is all the nasty warnings that go along with it. I’m not (desperate enough) ready to accept “uncontrollable bowel movements” as a side effect of any weight loss program.
I also logged onto lapband.com to find out about that. You need to have a BMI higher than 40, which I don’t. Or, you can have a BMI 35 or higher (I do) along with a severe medical condition (I don’t).
I guess it’s up to me, along with diet and exercise. When will I think I’m worth it to do something? Why doesn’t the weight just come off? Shouldn’t thinking hard about losing weight burn some calories?
Will this new realization that I am fat spur me into losing the weight? Fourteen pounds is not enough to lose. I am behind in my goal. I wanted to lose a pound a week. I should have lost 24 pounds by now. Remember when I was ambitious enough to think maybe I should aim for 2 pounds a week? What happened to that motivation?
Ten pounds. I can do it, right?
Steve and I started walking again. And we were talking about how I was going to be able to keep walking next week at the workshop. It goes from 8 a.m. to 8 p.m., and in my off hours I have other commitments such as grading student work. Will I be able to find time to walk? I am going to try. This has always been my downfall — I fill my schedule so much with things that require just sitting that I don’t get the exercise I need. This is how I gained my weight in the first place.
First, I hope your first week at the writing workshop was enjoyable.
Second, my experience has been that weight loss comes when I eat more (not less) and exercise more. Also when I let the exercise drive my food choices. Basically asking myself “is this quality fuel?” when I’m eating.
Third, the only way to figure out macro nutrients for what one makes at home is to measure the ingredients and then look them up in the USDA database. Or, choose an eating plan that doesn’t involve counting and measuring anything. I prefer the latter but occasionally will switch to the former to stay on track. Krista at Stumptuous has a good article about this also.
Fourth, if it helps any, my initial BMI was 37. I don’t care about BMI since it doesn’t acknowledge muscle mass, but that was the start way back when.
Fifth, (with apologies for the length of this comment), yes, of course you can do it, and good luck with whatever path you choose.
Turns out that toast and peanut butter *with* butter all have caloric information right on their labels.
Eventually, (just like the AP Stylebook) you remember the most common things you use. And things get easier as you set a routine, eating-wise and activity wise.